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Commissioning Service for Camp Chicago

St. James Cathedral, Chicago, IL

June 20, 2010

Nate Nesbit

“God is in the Silence”

            “Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence.”

            Hello my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ; as you may have noticed there are a lot of people here wearing the exact same shirt. This is no coincidence! We are the staff of our Diocesan summer camp, Camp Chicago; and we as a whole are here today so that the entire Diocese can bless our mission and keep us safe and happy throughout the trials, tribulations and triumphs that make Camp, Camp.

            Now, please allow me to introduce myself for I am from an exotic land. My name is Nate Nesbit, and I come here today from the wilderness of Algonquin, Illinois. I come here today from Camp Chicago.

            Camp Chicago is a special place where we equally respect ourselves, those around us and the nature that we are submerged in. As you walk from place to place you can’t help but notice the untamed natural landscape that you are submerged in. I’ve used the same adjective twice, oh no, I’ve committed a writing faux pas… fear not, it was deliberate. Walking along the woodland trails, the trees grow around and above you creating a natural ceiling over your head. You really do feel as if you have been submerged into the woods and it really feels like home to me. Even after you’ve left the trails behind and head down the roads, you are led to the waterfront and the majesty of the Fox River. Sitting by its slow flowing banks it’s only natural to revel in the sunshine and the feel of the green grass holding you close.

            And yet the natural beauty of Camp only provides the backdrop for the true miracle. The real miracle is that youth from all over the Diocese come together and are embraced in the loving arms of the Holy Spirit without exception to race, status or gender. Everyone bonds to the ever growing camp family and lifelong friendships are forged. With all of this closeness there is hardly ever a wasted moment. Whether it’s the shouts and laughs during the days or the whispered conversations during the nights when everyone is “asleep”.

            The constant jovial buzz of camp life culminates into the most triumphant of congregational praises to the Lord as everyone sings “Shine, Jesus, Shine” and “Shut de Do” at the top of their lungs. The whole camp is put into an uproar as we dance and sing along to these songs and share smiles and hugs. There isn’t a single frown or resting heart rate for miles around. Truly He is here as these songs burst forth from us in His glory.

            The reading today from I Kings chapter 19 spoke not of tumultuous praise to the Lord in the coming of the Lord to Elijah, in fact, quite the opposite.

            Making music loud enough to split mountains and shake the very earth in praise of the Lord is without a doubt great praise, and split mountains we do! Well, maybe not splitting mountains, but you better believe we shake the very foundations of strawberry hill! No less great are the quiet songs that are softly murmured to the glowing embers of a dying campfire as if trying to coax life back into the lingering flames. The gathered campers and staff slowly swaying in the dim light sharing our voices and ourselves. He is no doubt among us in those intimate moments as well.

            Yet while these are great praises, they are simple gifts. You pour all your heart and soul into the praise and are swept away by the rhythm and flow of a song. It’s a wonderful feeling, being able to leave your body and join in a communal praise to the Lord. This kind of gift asks only that you pour your heart and soul into the song that you are singing; and yet it doesn’t ask of you to scrutinize the heart and soul that you are so joyously pouring.

            God is audibly present in the beautiful harmonies and songs of both man and beast, but even more so, God is in the Silence.

            The act of trying to create a “sheer silence” is a difficult task and it is not something to be entered into lightly. It isn’t something that you can do on the way to work, or while sitting down to a meal. Attempting to invite the Lord into your presence by creating a silence deep enough to hear His words is a feat that requires absolute concentration.

            The “silence” as it were, speaks not only to the sounds that you can hear, but also speaks to the silence of your mind and the stillness of your worldly thoughts.

            When you take away the hustle and bustle of everyday life and place yourself in silence, removed from the constant inner dialogue of to do lists and perennial worries; you may begin to hear the whisperings of your conscience, the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.

            In this silence of body and mind you essentially place a mirror before you and are free to gaze upon the entirety of your soul. The good and the bad are all represented in equal measure and naked before you. Seeing yourself in this fashion may be quite scary the first couple times you do it, but don’t worry, that fear places you in company of prophets.

            Prophets are the instruments through which God shared His Word with us. They were the ones that had to go up to large crowds of rowdy people and basically tell them that the world was going to end. Prophets were by no means skittish or easily intimidated people. Even Elijah, one of the greatest prophets that has ever been, had to search his soul in that discerning silence before he went out to meet the Lord on the Mount of God.

            When Elijah heard the silence, and recognized the Lord’s presence in it, do you think he donned his mantle and went right out there without a thought or worry as to what was about to happen? Even the holiest of men are susceptible to doubt and worry before the Lord God.

            You know that as Elijah sat in that cave he was thinking about everything that he had ever done in his life. Weighing every one of his positive acts against every sin that he had committed, this included at least 450 killings mind you. At this point he’s trying not to have a code yellow yellow on his hands. (That’s camp terminology for the wetting of one’s pants.)

            And yet even as he sits there in the silence, contemplating all that he has done, he dons his mantle and walks out to place himself, all of himself, in front of the Lord. This is no small thing to do!

            To put your self in Elijah’s situation requires all of the faith and devotion that you have, for they will lend you courage through this silent trial by fire. It is a trial by fire; make no mistake, mentally looking back through every moment of your life that you wish you could have back. It can be a brutal experience. Braving this trial is difficult, but fortuitously, the trial itself is impossible to fail.

            Even if you only catch a fleeting glimpse of the reflection of your soul you have done very well. If you only dare that single hasty glance, you can repent and change even one single moment or interaction later in life and that will please the Lord greatly.

            For me, this trial by fire, it is my beast, my boogieman, my ultimate fear. I fear that if I ever risk too much, if I ever look too far into my depths, that I’ll break; that I’ll lose the eternal optimist inside of me; that looking at these painful and shaming memories won’t ever allow me to feel all happy and cheery inside.

            Even after I’ve asked forgiveness and repented I still don’t have that happy feeling back. It is when I’ve atoned for my actions, when I’ve adjusted my life to avoid repeating a mistake, that is when I know that I’m back on His path, and that is when I feel all happy and cheery inside again.

            The silent trial is also however something that cannot ever truly be passed. It is a trial that begs to be risked over and over again that you may constantly look upon the path of Christ and reexamine your place on it. This path is by no means an easy one to follow, nor is it the same path for all of us. Our paths will be different; they will lead us through different times of strife and get us through those times in different ways.

            I always pictured the path that He has set before me as being in the wilderness; I feel more at peace there than anywhere else. Wading through streams while being pestered by uncountable swarms of mosquitoes and trying to keep any sense of direction is by no means an easy path. But then again, neither was the one Christ walked. Think for a moment about what path He has set before you.

            Only your path can lead you safely through life, but you can’t follow it unless you take time to check up and see where you are on it. Your path will lead you until you have followed Him beyond the barrier of death and have come finally to the pearly gates of heaven and are face to face with St. Peter.

            Take for example Jesus, our ultimate role model, our Savior. When He truly needed to find the silence, when He desperately needed to hear the Holy Spirit, He went off on His own into the Garden of Gethsemane. There He sat on His own and quieted His thoughts and sat there in the silence, and there in that garden, the Holy Spirit found Him.

            If you are looking for this silence in your own life, find a place where you feel at home, a personal sanctuary, your Garden of Gethsemane. Go there, get comfortable and just try to quiet yourself one sense, one thought at a time until the only things left are you and Him, Him, and Her. (Father, Son and Holy Spirit)

            I would be bold indeed if I were to place the burden on each one of you here to attempt this trial; to put that mirror in front of yourselves and invite the Lord God to provide you strength and join you as you gaze upon all that you are. If that is something that you do not believe that you can do, that’s not a problem. But don’t fear the silence it can hold this intimate spiritual experience, rather embrace it. Embrace the silence and know that you are not alone. Embrace the silence and know that in it abides your Savior.

Amen.